YOU KNOW YOU'RE OVERLY STRESSED IF...
* Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately. After listening to them, you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.

* Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.

* You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

* Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

* You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you stepped on as a child, and worry that their descendants are going to seek revenge one day.

* You have meaningful conversations with your blender.

* Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your illusion.

* You like cats. Especially with ketchup

* You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you things.

* You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion

* You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because you wanted to be on the island too.

* You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they hatch.

* Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you think to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today."

* You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

* You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

* You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used it.

* You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.

* The sun is too loud.

* Trees begin to chase you.

* You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

* You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.

* You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

* You can hear mimes.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

* Things become "Very Clear".

* You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.

* The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.

* You keep yelling"STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

*You and Reality file for divorce.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You can skip without a rope.

* It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.

* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

* Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.



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