When the waiter came to take our order, I asked, "What is th...
When the waiter came to take our order, I asked, "What is the

soup du jour?" The waiter turned to me and responded very slowly

and clearly, "It's the Soup...OF---THE---DAY."



**********



My sister gave me a 13" TV for my birthday. She had gotten it

for free when she bought a used console TV for the living room.

The original owners said they didn't use the 13" TV much because

it would shut off after a while. After checking out the

on-screen menu features, I found there was a sleep timer set for

90 minutes!



**********



I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that

said "Honk if you love Jesus." I honked. The driver leaned out

his window, flipped me the bird, and yelled "Can't you see the

light is still red, you moron?"



**********



I work for a bank. I applied for a home loan from my employer

and have been waiting for approval for over five weeks. I found

out today that it has taken this long because my loan officer

was unable to get verification of my employment.



**********



A large steel column next to my cubicle got whacked during the

office renovation and, as a result, a sharp spur stuck out from

the side. The site supervisor came over with a worker, pointed

to the pole, and said, "That's really sharp and could hurt

someone. I want it filed down." The worker reached out, touched

it, and said "Ouch!" just as the supervisor yelled "Don't touch

it!" When the worker looked at the blood welling up, the

supervisor said, "Wow, that *is* sharp!" and reached out and

touched it. "Ouch!" he said, stuck his finger in his mouth, and

walked away with the worker.



Five minutes later, the worker came back with an underling.

"That's what needs to be filed down," he said. "It's really

sharp." The underling reached out and touched it. "Ow!" he

yelped and yanked his finger away.



Fortunately he filed it down right there and then before anyone

else could verify how sharp it was.



**********



A courier came into our office with a bemused look on his face.

He had been looking for building address number 70, and in his

words, "The street numbers jumped from 69 (next door) to 71 (our

building)." I suggested, in my most sincere voice, that he might

try across the road.



**********



After moving in to our new office space, I was given the job of

completing an Occupational Health and Safety report about the

building. I discovered that the building had been built with no

fire exit!



If a fire starts at the entrance, the only way out would be to

smash through the manager's office window. So I put these

comments down and submitted my report to the manager before it

got sent to head office.



In all seriousness he added the following comment to the head

office about smashing the window, "Please confirm that this is

an acceptable option by returning your approval."



**********



One day at lunch at my high school, one of my friends selected a

piece of pizza and went to pay for it. Apparently, however, it

costs more to get a piece of pizza than it does to get a "meal,"

which would be a piece of pizza AND a vegetable.



The cafeteria lady insisted that he had to get a vegetable if he

wanted to pay less. My friend pointed out that there were no

vegetables left in the line at this point, so he couldn't get

any. The cafeteria lady proceeded to make him wait while she

went to find some corn, despite his insistence that he wouldn't

eat the corn anyway. After waiting about ten minutes, he got the

corn, paid for his lunch, ate the pizza and threw the corn away.



[Editor's note: Young folks will be happy to know that people

like the cafeteria lady have another name in the post-school

world. They're called "your boss."]



**********



We had a power outage during a thunderstorm. As we peered from

our dark cubicles to the outside world, my director commented

that it looked like power was out for miles, since the office

buildings as far as we could see were also dark.



Our temp admin said, and I quote: "But then why are the cars

running?"



**********



During a bout of tornadic weather, a local TV newsperson

standing by a roadside at 5:20 p.m. made the statement that the

sky was growing very dark, indicating that this was a sign of

tornadoes approaching. Since it was January, it was also a sign

that the sun was going down.



**********



I was in my company's gift shop when I overheard one of the

employees ask her manager if she could take a break.



"I just want to go smoke a cigarette and get some fresh air."



It is worthy to note that she followed her comment with a nice,

moist-sounding cough.



I wonder if she'll ever complain that whenever she smokes

outside, the air just doesn't seem that fresh.



**********



I recently had a garage sale in which I was selling an old

beater of a motorcycle that wasn't running, for $50. An

Induhvidual negotiated me down to $30 and I made the sale. After

getting the title notarized, I was making out the bill of sale

when the Induvidual asks, "Can I get your phone number too, in

case I have any problems with it?"



**********



I am turning in my own mother: She used to think that the

letters of the yogurt chain, TCBY, stood for Thank God It's

Yogurt.



**********



At work, a representative for an office supply store was telling

us about their line of glare screens for computer monitors. We

were planning to buy them for all the computers. About ten

minutes into the presentation, one of our Induhviduals raised

his hand and said, "I thought we were going to be getting

ANTI-glare screens."



I guess he was worried we would get the product that increases

the glare on your screen.


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