The Letter of the Bribe
Chaim "Brickboots" Rabinovich, The notorious, unscrupulous Jewish Godfather, was arrested on a charge of murder, so he used his right to a telephone call to seek help from his lawyer, Moshe "the Cantor" Finkelstein.
Finkelstein said that because of the serious nature of the charge, they would have to brief counsellor Schwartz to conduct Chaim's defense.
On the day of the trial, a jury was selected, and Schwartz, the counsellor, said, "Finkelstein, is there a Jew on the jury?"
"No." replied Finkelstein.
"Then we gotta object" said Feinstein, and the jury was duly thrown out.
This process was repeated another three times, and when Schwartz asked,
"Finkelstein, is there a Jew on the jury?" Finkelstein replied, "Yes, Schwartz. Abe Guttman is there."
That night they went to see Abe Guttman, to whom Finkelstein said, "Abe, you know it is a very serious charge against Chaim. He could go to prison for life or even be sentenced to death. Now Schwartz and I have a proposal to make to you. If you can get us a verdict of manslaughter, we will pay you $5000."
At the conclusion of the trial, the jury deliberated for hours, and when they eventually returned, the judge asked whether they had reached a verdict. The foreman replied, "Yes, your Honour: not guilty of murder, but guilty of manslaughter."
An appeal was immediately lodged and Chaim was out on bail. That night they had a huge celebration at Finkelstein's house. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and when Finkelstein opened, there was Abe.
"Come in Abe, and join the party. We are celebrating."
"No, Finkelstein, wait a minute. First I want another $5000," replied Abe.
"Another $5000? What you want another $5000 for? We paid you $5000, and we got the verdict. What more do you want?" protested Finkelstein.
"Finkelstein, not once did I have to fight for that verdict. Not twice did I have to fight for that verdict. Three times I had to fight for that verdict!"
"Why, how did that happen?"
"All these Christians on the jury, they kept shouting, 'Acquittal! Acquittal! Acquittal

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