1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor. 2) Your wife's hairdo has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan. 3) You go to your family reunion to pick up women. 4) Your richest relative buys a new house -- and you have to help him take the wheels off it. 5) You think a six-pack and a bug zapper is quality entertainment. 6) Your family tree does not fork. 7) You've ever been too drunk to fish. 8) You've lost more than two teeth opening beer bottles. 9) You helped your cousin move his refrigerator -- and the grass underneath it has turned yellow. 10) You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.