Redneck Rules
  • Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

  • Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.

  • If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic.  Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them.  Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.

  • Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.

  • Remember:  "Y'all" is singular.

  • "All y'all" is plural.  "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

  • There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

  • People walk slower here.

  • Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone.  They don't understand you either.

  • The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy".  Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression.  One hundred percent are in denial about it.

  • The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

  • "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

  • If attending a funeral in the South: remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

  • If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way.  These are likely the last words he will ever say.

  • Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do.  In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

  • Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

  • The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

  • If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the tiniest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.  It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

  • Satellite dishes are very popular in the South.  When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

  • Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common.  In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

  • Florida is not considered a Southern state (except Gainesville). There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

  • As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

  • You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

  • Back | Next


    More Pages of Jokes: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 
    25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 
    49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 
    73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 
    97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 
    121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 
    145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 
    169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 
    193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 
    217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 
    241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253