If airlines sold paint
IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT
Buying paint from a hardware store ....

Customer - Hi how much is your paint ?
Clerk - We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18. How
many gallons would you like ?
Customer - Five gallons of regular quality please.
Clerk - Great. That will be $60 plus tax.

From an airline ...
Customer - Hi how much is your paint ?
Clerk - Well, sir that all depends.
Customer - Depends on what ?
Clerk - Actually, a lot of things.
Customer - How about giving me an average price ?
Clerk - Wow, that is too hard a question. the lowest price is $9 a gallon,
and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
Customer - What is the difference in the paint ?
Clerk - Oh, there isn't any difference, it is all the same paint.
Customer - Well, then I'd like some of that $9 paint.
Clerk - Well, first I like to ask you a few questions. When do you intend
to use it ?
Customer - I want to paint to-morrow on my day off.
Clerk - Sir, the paint for to-morrow is the $200 paint.
Customer - What ? When would I have to paint in order to get the $9
version ?
Clerk - That will be in three weeks, but you will also have to agree to
start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until, at
least Sunday.
Customer - you've got to be kidding !
Clerk - Sir, we don't kid around here. Of course, I'll have to check to
see if we have any of that paint available before I can sell it to you.
Customer - What do you mean check to see if you can sell it to me? You
have selves full of that stuff. I can see it right there.
Clerk - Just because you can see it doesn't mean that we have it. It may
be the same paint, but we sell only a certain number of gallons on any given
weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price just went to $12.
Customer - You mean the price went up while we were talking !
Clerk - Yes sir. You see, we change prices and rules thousands of times a
day and since you haven't actually paid for your paint yet we just decided
to change. Unless you want the same thing to happen again. I would suggest
that you get on with your purchase. How many gallons do you want.
Customer - I don't know exactly. Maybe five gallons. May be I should buy
six gallon just to make sure I have enough.
Clerk - Oh, no sir, you can't do that. If you buy the paint and then don't
use it, you will be liable for penalties and possible confiscation of the
paint you already have.
Customer - What ?
Clerk - That's right. We can sell you enough paints to do your kitchen,
bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the
bedroom, you will be in violation of our tariffs.
Customer - But what does it matter to you whether I use all the paint ? I
already paid you for it.
Clerk - Sir, there's no point getting upset, that's just the way it is. We
make plans based upon the idea that you will use all the paints, and when
you don't it just cause us all sorts of problems.
Customer - This is crazy ! I suppose something terrible will happen if I
don't keep painting until after Saturday night.
Clerk - Yes sir, it will.
Customer - Well that does it ! I'm going somewhere else to buy my paint.
Clerk - That won't do you any good, sir. We all have the same rules.
Thanks for flying - I mean painting - with our airline.

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