How to Shower Like a Woman
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN (Long version: sorry there is no
short
version with women)

1. Take off the fourteen layers of clothing you put on this
morning
because there was a distinct chill in the air due to the
temperature dropping below 28 degrees.

2. Walk to the bathroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way,
cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile
turban gags and then rush to the bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out
your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how
you're getting fat.

4. Turn on the hot water only.

5. Get in the shower, once you have found it through all
that steam.

6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide
loofah
and pumice stone.

7. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.

8. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.

9. Wash your hair once more with Cucumber and Lamfrey
shampoo with 83
added vitamins.

10. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey
conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair
for fifteen minutes.

11. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
ten minutes until red raw.

12. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake
body wash.

13. Complain bitterly when you realize your
boyfriend/husband has once again been eating your Ginger Nut
and Jaffa Cake body wash.

14. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen
minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

15. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you
can't be bothered, and anyway the hair helps keep you warm.

16. Slick hair back and pretend you're like Bo Derek in 10.

17. Scream loudly when your boyfriend / husband flushes the
toilet and you get a rush of cold water.

18. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.

19. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

20. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot.
Attack with nails / tweezers if found.

21. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel
on head. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way,
cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile
turban gags and then rush to bedroom.

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