He's the tumbleweed chef and rides with the wagon Ahead of t...
He's the tumbleweed chef and rides with the wagon

Ahead of the thunderin' herd.

His pots and pans clack like a diamondback's rattle,

He growls or he don't say a word.



His face is a roadmap. Looks like a carcass

Hung too many days in the sun.

He sells like a mule and cooks with a shovel

And his fly is always undone.



The rider kin tell when he's in the kitchen--

The buzzards all come into view.

He spits in the pan and shaves in the taters

and clips his toenails in the stew.



His gunpowder biscuits explode in the fire;

His beans explode in yer bowel.

His medda lark souffle is hard on the belly;

They say it tastes like an owl.



His coffee's so rank a housefly won't touch it.

Even buckshot floats in the slop.

You don't pour a cup, you twist off a swaller.

Then chew a sip offa the top.



Now, Cowboys are tough guys who face death each day

In blizzards or stampedes or storms.

They ride them bad horses and sleep with the snakes

And duel with the hooves and the horns.



But many a cowboy who follered the wagon

Has joined the "Last Roundup Club".

Not from indians, gunfights, or even bad whiskey,

But from eatin' Camp Cookies' grub.



Baxter Black








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