Well, did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget.
Did you hear about the constipated composer?
He couldn't finish the last movement.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Did you hear about the constipated Wheel of Fortune player?
He wanted to buy a bowel.
Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?
If you're an American when you go into the bathroom, and an American when
you come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets
to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a
bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter, "Sir! Please
stop that immediately."
"Certainly, madame," replies the waiter with a bow. "Which way was it
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady.
A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big
Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her. "Do
you by any chance have todays paper?"
The lady looked at him and said, "No, but the next time we pass by a tree
I'll grab you a handful of leaves."
Directions on toilet paper.
What's dumber than that?
Reading them and learning something.
Dumbest of all?
Reading them and having to correct something you've been doing wrong.
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly
the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and
says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm
sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard a noise, so he looked
inside. Lo and behold, there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy
said, "How long have you been down there in that awful hole?"
The Indian replied, "Many moons."
Pete walks into a store. He says to the salesgirl, "I want to buy some
She says, "What color?"
He says, "Give me white. I'll color it myself."