An open letter to the rest of America: America has engaged ...
An open letter to the rest of America:



America has engaged in some finger wagging lately because

California doesn't have enough electricity to meet its needs.

The rest of the country (including George W. Bush's energy

secretary Spencer Abraham, who wants Californians to suffer

through blackouts as justification for drilling for oil in

Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge) seems to be just fine

with letting Californians dangle in the breeze without enough

power to meet their needs. They laugh at Californians'

frivolity. Well, everybody. Here's how it really is:



California ranks 48th in the nation in power consumed per

person. California grows more than half the nation's fruit, nuts

and vegetables. We're keeping them. We need something to eat

when the power goes out. We grow 99 percent or more of the

nation's almonds, artichokes, dates, figs, kiwifruit, olives,

persimmons, pistachios, prunes, raisins and walnuts. Hope you

won't miss them. California is the nation's number one dairy

state. We're keeping our dairy products. We'll need plenty of

fresh ones since our refrigerators can't be relied upon. Got

milk?



We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech software in

state. Silicon Valley is ours, after all. Without enough

electricity, which you're apparently keeping for yourselves, we

just plain don't have enough software to spare. We're keeping

all our airplanes. California builds a good percentage of the

commercial airliners available to fly you people to where you

want to go. When yours wear out, you'd better hope Boeing's

Washington plant can keep you supplied. There isn't enough

electricity here to allow us to export any more planes than we

need ourselves. And while we're at it, we're keeping all our

high tech aerospace stuff, too, like the sophisticated weapons

systems that let you sleep at night, not worried you might wake

up under the rule of some foreign kook. Oh, yeah, and if you

want to make a long-distance call, remember where the satellite

components and tracking systems come from. Maybe you could get

back in the habit of writing letters. Want to see a blockbuster

movie this weekend? Come to California. We make them here. Since

we'll now have to make them with our own electricity, we're

keeping them. Even if we shot them somewhere else, the labs,

printing facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities

are all here.



Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17 million gallons

per year. We'll need all of it to drown our sorrows when we

think about the fact that no matter how many California products

we export to make the rest of America's lives better, America

can't see its way clear to help us out with a little

electricity. You can no longer have any of our wine. You all

complain that we don't build enough power plants. Well, you

don't grow enough food, write enough software, make enough

movies, build enough airplanes and defense systems or make

enough wine. This is your last warning, America. Lighten (us) up

before it's too late.



Love,

The Californians



"I love California - I practically grew up in Phoenix." -Dan

Quayle


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