"I suppose," snarled the leathery sergeant to the private, "that when you're discharged from the Army, you'll wait for me to die, just so you can spit on my grave."
"Not me," said the private. "When I get out of the Army, I never want to stand in line again."
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The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
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This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??" the drill sergeant hollered.
In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, "I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, 'if that sucker thinks I'm going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he's certainly an uncanny judge of character.
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The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.
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When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, she said to him, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister?"
The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied, "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."
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Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
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A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, "It's only 2014 now."
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A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.
He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!"
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In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!" |
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