THE MEN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE LANGUAGE
* We need = I want
* It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
* We need to talk = I need to complain
* Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
* I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
* You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
* I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
* This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
* I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
* I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
* Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
* Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
* I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
* Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead.)
* Yes = No
* No = No
* Maybe = No
* I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
* Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
* Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
* I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
* All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MALE LANGUAGE
* I'm hungry = I'm hungry
* I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
* I'm tired = I'm tired
* Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
* Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
* Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
* May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
* Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
* You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I'd like to have sex with you
* What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
* What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
* What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
* I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
* I love you = Let's have sex now
* I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
* Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
* Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
* Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
* Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
* I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! |
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