Women's ads
40-ish - 49
adventurer - 1 slept with all your friends 2 has had more partners than you ever will
athletic - flat-chested
average-looking - has a face like a basset hound
beautiful - pathological liar
contagious smile - 1 does a lot of Ecstasy 2 bring your penicillin
educated - 1 banged her political science professor 2 college dropout
emotionally secure - medicated
feminist - fat ballbuster
free spirit - junkie
friendship first - trying to live down reputation as a slut
fun - annoying
gentle - comatose
good listener - borderline autistic
new-age - all body hair, all the time
old-fashioned - lights out, missionary position only, no bjs
open-minded - desperate
outgoing - loud and embarrassing
passionate - sloppy drunk
poet - depressive schizophrenic
professional - certified bitch
redhead - bad dye-job
reubenesque - grossly fat
romantic - looks better by candle light
social - has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
voluptuous - very fat
weight proportional to height - grossly obese
wants soulmate - stalker
widow - drove first husband to shoot himself
young at heart - old bat
Men's ads
40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
athletic - watches a lot of NASCAR
average-looking - unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back
educated - will patronize the shit out of you
free spirit - banging your sister
friendship first - as long as friendship involves nookie
fun - good with a remote and a six-pack
good-looking - arrogant
very good-looking - dumb as a board
honest - pathological liar
huggable - overweight, more body hair than a bear
likes to cuddle - insecure, dependent
mature - 1 until you get to know him 2 older than your father
open-minded - wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
physically fit - 1 does a lot of 12-ounce curls 2 spends a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring himself
poet - wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom stall
sensitive - cries at chick flicks
very sensitive - gay
spiritual - 1 got laid in a cemetery once 2 Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
stable - arrested for stalking, but not convicted
thoughtful - says "Please" when demanding a beer
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