The last time you took a vacation to the Grand Canyon, it was a shallow ditch with a creek running through it.
The radiation from your monitor has burnt your shadow onto the wall.
You wake up hoping that the pain in your gut is appendicitis so you can have abdominal surgery and can miss work.
You answer your home phone using the company's name.
You dial "9" from your home phone to get an outside line.
Your accumulated vacation hours would allow you to retire 10 years early.
The vending machine asks, "Want the usual?"
You wake up in a hotel room on a business trip and have no idea where your are or why.
You don't steer your car while driving to the office because it knows the way itself.
Your computer has been upgraded twice since you took your last vacation.
You find yourself shouting, "Honey, I'm home!" when you arrive at your cubicle in the morning.
Your children put your picture on milk cartons.
You dream about your job.
You run your ID badge through the mail slot in your front door and wonder why the door doesn't open.
Antacid tablets are your primary source of nutrition.
Your cubicle is better decorated than your home.
The janitor vacuums you in the evenings.
You attempt to log in to your microwave oven.
The last message in your "Out of Office" reply says you will return on a date that occurred three years ago.
You feel your work is terribly important.
Your accumulated vacation hours let you retire 10 years early.
Your boss is making sense. You agree with his views. You volunteer to head the United Way campaign. You ask to be assigned to the Y2K team.
The radiation from your monitor has burnt your shadow onto the wall
Wife has more and older children than you can account for.
You've gone from decaf to espresso to straight gin.
Wastebasket in your office is full of the ripped-off faces of people who came to you with a question or problem...
You get on the down elevator on floor six, push the sixth floor button and become irritated that you are not going anywhere.
Your kids call 911 and report a burglary when you come home at early one night (8pm). They didn't recognize you ...first time you have been home before their bedtime in months.
You look at the clock...it shows 6:00...you can't remember if it's AM or PM.
The janitor vacuums you in the evenings
The little leprechaun, that only you can see, who keeps telling you to, "Burn it, burn it all."
You spend too much time in front of the microwave before noticing it's not your TV.
It's December 31, 1999. Your company has assured customers, the media, the financial regulators, and for all you know the Archangel Gabriel that all is OK for Y2K - but it's still canceled all vacation for IT staff.
You've begun to enjoy the elevator music.
You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip of espresso.
What shall I do today? Pretend to work ...take a hostage ... pretend to work ...take a hostage ...
Road rage in the supermarket resulting in broken bones from the canned yams.
Whenever your boss asks how the project you've been working on 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, is coming along, you laugh uncontrollably for 3 minutes, then break into a medley of show tunes.
Tylenol stock takes a nasty drop every time you take a weekend off.
A growing need to DO something about the guy in the next cube. You know, the one that makes all those annoying sounds and smells. Yeah, something...something permanent. Yeah...
Spend day staring at the squirrels on the front lawn of the building. (There aren't any squirrels at your building. There's not even a lawn). |
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