You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
You know what a touque is.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".
Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.
You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)
You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."
You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"
You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.
you only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
you design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
the mosquitoes have landing lights.
you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
you have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
you live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
you think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
the local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
at least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
the most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
you think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
you head south to go to your cottage.
you frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
you know which leaves make good toilet paper.
the major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.
you find -40C a little chilly.
the trunk of your car doubles as a deepfreeze.
you attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
you can play road hockey on skates.
you know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
you understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
you perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a napkin, I just spilled my poutine"
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what it means to be on pogey.
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You participated in "Participaction".
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
You know what a toque is.
You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
You know Toronto is not a province.
You never miss "Coaches Corner".
Black bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups. |
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