* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
* He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
* Opening argument in which he called the prosecutor a "Doo-Doo Head" could hurt your case.
* Tries to cheer you up by saying how great you look in orange.
* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal Code.
* Keeps trying to call a witness named "Johnny, the Trouser Troll."
* The only question he can come up with during cross-examination is, "Isn't it true that you're a lying bastard?"
* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting from the jury.
* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he screams, "Yahtzee!"
* Instead of saying, "Your honor, I object," he now just rolls his eyes and says, "Whatever."
* Claims staring at your cleavage is a necessary part of the "discovery" processes.
* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your panties.
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head. |
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